IMPERFECT
It’s a long, long journey
When I run and I couldn’t stop
I couldn’t stop
I wish it will be better
Later or sooner my destination should finish
It’s a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you
I take a deep breath this morning, wishing it never end. Human is a perfect creator that God ever create, but we are never perfect without others. Can you see all things around you? The birds sing in the morning, the green trees in the yard, and the smell of blossom flowers. That is all are perfect panoramas, but they are imperfect without others. Birds cannot sing a beautiful morning sound without other birds, without a clear sky, without a cheer morning. The green trees cannot grow perfectly without seed, without the sun light, without the human to take care of it. The beautiful flowers cannot smell blossom without treatment, without any cheer colors, without human. Do you think that human is a perfect creator? I do not think so.
One day when I was child, my mom said
“My daughter, never be a foolish girl, do anything that you can do now and you never be perfect without others”. I always remember the last statement that my mother said.
“_____you never be perfect without others.”
When I was child, I was so cheerful and all around me very loved me because I was the only grandchild of my grandmother. She gave a lot of love until now. I always tried to be the pride child. I studied hard in my elementary school. I joined many competences, such as theater, music etc. I was expert in science and theater. My parent smiled proudly when the report of my study in each semesters given because I always be the first, second, or the third in my class. When the first day in a New Year education held, I accepted the class cup. I was very happy and when I went to home, my mother always welcomed me with smile. My mother collected my cups in the mirror cupboard. I even followed theater competence when I was elementary school. I followed until the province competence degree. Our group always showed the best performance. Our theater group is the winner in all competition. There are my beloved childhoods.
Experience is the best teacher in my life. All give me lessons and value. Since I was born until now, I always try to be a pride person. I want all people around me will always remember me, although I just imperfect person that have many mistakes. I never know when my destination will be end. It is the first day in the second month of spring season. I know my mother will be fussy in the first day in month.
“Honey, you must go to the doctor and check your self up.”
My mother always said like if I am not hurry to prepare my self.
“Oh Mom, but I am feeling Ok now….
I don’t feeling gnawing today Mom…..”
I hope my mother will hear my spoil sound.
“Of course no Darling. Mom will accompany you to see the doctor; it will be a nice day.”
She tries to persuade me. I back her and try to skip from my mother, but she hold my hand and to rescind my self. She tries to ensure me. She opens the window in front of us and inhales a moment.
“Look Aira…
All people outside are happy.”
I peep out of the window and just silence and I look my mother.
“Do you want to be the happier person like that?”
I just nodding
“Do you want still be my pride daughter?”
I am nodding in the second time. My mother embraces me.
“Lets go to your room and take your dress; Mom will wait you in the 10 minutes later.”
I just silence.
“Come on Darling!”
She tries to ensure me but I am not sure that today is Ok. I go to the doctor with usual feeling because every month I always meet with him. Sometime when I arrive to see the doctor, I am smiling to my self because I imagine the face of my doctor. The face is funny so he is not making me so scary. My mother always plays the music in the car in an hour’s walk and she usually singing as a famous singer in the car. It is forgotten me about the doctor and as the metaphor as we will go to a nice camp.
“Good morning Mrs. Smith, nice to see you again.”
“Good morning Doctor, as usual we meet again in your first day a month.”
They always joking each other.
“Good morning Miss. Aira, you always look so beautiful.”
“Good morning Doc, thank you.”
“How’s live to day? It is sound great, isn’t it?”
“Just so so, Doc.”
“I hope it will be happy after I check you up today.”
“I hope so…”
He is guiding me to enter in one room. He is checking me up. He does it carefully and ensures that all part of my body is Ok. I look on his eyes it has seen that he is concentrating and professional in his job. The funny faces that usually appearance before, now is lose. He looks so handsome in his serious face. I look to him with a smile. If there is some trouble to me, he never changes his face, he still in his calm face, although I know that my illness is so serious.
“Ok enough.”
He takes off all of his doctor equipments in the place.
“Please still rest in this bed and don’t go anywhere.”
He goes out from this room.
“Remember Aira still in this room, Ok!”
He opens the door and ensures that I am not going out.
“Ok Doctor I will be here, please don’t be afraid.”
He always reports my condition to my mother. Mom never shows the development of my self. It is good or bed, I never know. Today the doctor does very serious conversation in his private room with my mother. Both of them are in the serious conversation because I was waiting them in an hour. They are usually do conversation around 10 until 20 minutes, but now why is it so long? I still rest on the bed and look around me. They are so many doctors’ equipments, injections, medicine, etc. I am sure; I will be not life until today if Doctor Harry did not help me. Doctor harry is completing my life.
It is on the second day on the spring April. In all roads, I feel green and peace. The roses are blossoming, the debit water is rising, the birds are singing. My beloved April, I hope it will be my lucky day to finish my job after going to the doctor. Before summer comes, I should finish all of my manuscript so when the spring is end, I can get the satisfaction of my salary in the stage and ‘My Beloved Summer Sun Shine’ will be comes. He will sit beside me and we will watch together.
“Darling, do you get your breakfast this morning?”
“Of course Mom…”
“Do you get your medicine also?”
“I have already get it Mom, I have done all of that you want because I don’t want to make you anxious Mom…”
“Good job My Lovely daughter.”
She gives me a little kiss on my forehead.
“Are you not finishing your manuscript?”
I just nod to her.
“Why you still in here Honey, lets come back to your room and do it now!”
“Oh Mom, I need a little different situation, I get bored in my room.”
“Oh… spoiled child.”
She is pinching my check and seducing me.
“Do you want to help me gardening?”
She gives me a crops and a water cup.
“I think it is nice,” said my mother.
My beloved mother always makes me happy and I know that she loves me very much.
In several weeks, I write the manuscript for our shows. The manuscript should finish in the end of April. I do it as well as I can do. I dedicate this show to my beloved mother and ‘My Summer Sun Shine’, he that always comes in the summer. I used to the player in the theater group but now me cannot plat anymore, because of my condition. I can accept it relieved although it hurt me. I did not want my illness be the stone that struck my feet to step, although I cannot play theatre anymore. I am still the part of the shows. I write the manuscript for some theater shows and sometimes I visit my friends train behind the stage. I promised to my self, that my illness is my spirit to raise my dream. I am sure that I can be the best manuscript writer behind the stage.
I have finished the manuscript in the end of April. May is the last month in the spring season. Summer will comes one month later. In this month, my theater group are preparing to the summer shows. I still was waiting the letter coming from ‘My Sun Shine’. It should read in the middle of April, but until the first week in May, I am still not receiving the letter yet. What happen with ‘My Sun Shine’? I still was waiting for his coming. The second week in May he still silence I did not receive the letter. Until the last week in spring season, he did not give me any information yet. I really miss with him. Is he missing me also there?
Summer is coming, the letter is not comes yet whereas he promised that he will accompany me to watch the theater show in this season. I am really sad and disappointed with him. I want not eat any more; I want not to get my medicine anymore.
“Honey, he will back and I think he is very busy there so he forget to send a letter for you.”
My mother tries to ensure me.
“No Mom, he is not like that.”
“Honey….It can be but if you are not eating and not getting your medicine he will sad to look your condition.”
“Mom, I don’t want both of them.”
I am shaking my head.
“Please Honey; you should get both of them!”
“No Mom, please leave alone!”
My mother looks at my eyes and tries to ensure me.
“No Mom…Please…!”
She is going out from my room. I know that she does not want to leave alone.
It complete two weeks I did not get my medicine. I feel gnawing all of my bone. I still was waiting for him.
“Honey, tomorrow is your day to see your master peace present on the stage. If you want me to proud of you, please get your medicine. Is so hurt me my daughter.”
I just silence and smiling to my mother.
“Please, I promised tomorrow he will come
Please…...”
I look to my mother’s eyes; I know that she is afraid with my condition. I am not a perfect daughter Mom. I am sorry Mom.
Today my masterpiece will present on the stage. My theater group is waiting for my coming, they cannot present without me because today the best manuscript writer will be get the appreciation from the governor state. For me the appreciation is nothing without his coming.
“Darling, are you not going to the show and get your appreciation?”
“I am still waiting for him Mom….”
I said with slow voice.
“Honey I hope you can respect with your self. Let’s take your beautiful dress and go to the show.”
My mother leaves me and hangs a beautiful dress in front of my cupboard. I raise my mother’s hand.
“No Mom, please accompany me Mom!”
She sits beside me and looks at me deeply.
“Why you are a naughty child now?”
She asks me a nice question but I just silence.
“Can I hold you Mom?”
“Yes…..Why not my daughter.”
“Mom, I really want to come to the show but I still waiting him Mom.”
I am holding my Mother tightens.
“Honey, I am so sorry I can’t say the truth, although he can’t come but I am sure that he is looking you and smiling for you there.”
“I don’t understand Mom”
I look my mother deeply.
“You will be known it sooner by your self.”
I really confuse what is going on. What happen with him? What should I am doing now? I want to come to the show but I think it should be late. I want he is coming now but why my mother said like that. It is make me do not understand. The show is not complete without me and I am not perfect without him.
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